I'm starting to believe there's a finite amount of sanity in the world -- that there's only so much to go around -- and when someone is hogging up the yummy sanity juices, it creates static in the brain of everyone else. Today, I woke up and for the first time in months, I felt clear-headed, and sane, and ready to face the world, and ready to be productive and happy and occupy my mind with some frivolous project. My thoughts are not racing. I feel quiet, and at peace, and feeling pretty good about me and my mental state.
Then the shit hit the fan. Most of my friends were in crisis mode today, and they all wanted to bitch at me about something or other, mostly each other. Which is always comforting, you know. My mother called, and this is perhaps most disturbing of all -- our conversation was pleasant. Things have been getting better between us ever since she developed her own life after I moved out of the house, and today was nice. There were no irrational accusations, no lectures, no nothing. That, my friends, is almost a sure sign of the coming apocalypse. It's disturbing to me because I'm used to arguing with her, or at least shutting up and taking everything she has to say and then running off in my room to cry about it later. I actually need to process because things are good instead of bad.
So today I woke up sane, and so did my mother, and people I normally rely on to be pillars of sanity were having advanced cases of brain static. If that's not an indication that there's a finite amount of sanity going around, I'm not really sure what is. But I really don't have time to do a double-blind study with a control group, because I'm too busy hiding in my room from all the crazies.
Posted by laura at March 20, 2002 07:53 PM